Reading Response 1/27/11

I enjoyed reading chapter 3 this week. I like the idea of writing something from someone else’s perspective. Being so young, I haven’t really gone through a great deal of experiences that are easy or interesting to write about (guess that’s where defamiliarization could help me out a lot).The problem is that I’ve always thought that I couldn’t really write anything deep or important because my life isn’t all that exciting. Yet somehow when I first read it, the concept of writing as someone else was oddly foreign to me. Then again when writing a story the main character usually isn’t the author them self; so this concept is really practical.  After thinking about this more I’ve come up with several different people I’d like to write in the perspective of.

I especially the section “Voice Training” and “Playing Puppeteer”. I’m a huge fan of the poem “Cinderelly, Cinderelly”. I found the concept so very clever. I like the lines: “That godmother was a fake/and fat, and I didn’t don that hat/and doting smile/to get pushed aside/a rat forgotten/After a post-menopausal whim.” I found it so funny. Reading the Cinderella poem really made me want to try this same technique with other children stories and fables that I’ve grown up hearing.

Classmate Response 1/28/11

I'm just a small town girl in a big old world,
Trying to live my dream.
They all say it's not easy,
But it's all inside of me.

Everytime I look around,
They try to tear me down,
But one day everyone will see,
Me get out of this town.

As I walk the streets,
People stop and stare.
This whole town knows
That I don't really care.

What I like:

I love that the author wrote this poem out of frustration and was able to release some of that tension building inside of her by writing. I like the line, “They all say it’s not easy But it’s all inside of me.” I might reword it a bit though, to keep from sounding sound everyday about it (use the defamiliarization technique we talked about in class). But again, props to you for writing about a bad experience like this and for letting all of us read it!

What I would change:

There is a little too much cliché happening. The first line sounds like something I’ve heard before. I’d like to know more about the situation…what is your major that your parents don’t like? What were some of the things they said to you? And what emotions were you feeling specifically? Say something about getting out of GA! I like where you could go with that.

 The rhyming is good, but I feel that maybe it held back some of the creativity that could have flowed here. Try to expand on what you already have and let your readers experience some of what you were feeling so that we can relate to your situation.

Reading Response 1/27/11

In reference Chapter 2 of Writing Poetry:

I still am completely at a loss when it comes to "form" in my writing. I have never done poetry before this class, so I must say--the blank page scares me. Words on the page is a little scary, too since I don't know how to arrange them. However, I like what Davidson and Fraser say: "Let form and structure dawn on you rather than direct you." This past week I have been taking their advice of writing down the page (the expansion contraction process) and then throwing away the junk and compiling the good stuff. It definitely helps me get words on the page, and since I prefer novels and short stories to poetry I feel a little more in my comfort zone! Still, I sometimes feel that I cannot defer from telling a story...the writing "randomness" aspect of poetry doesn't come naturally to me. I feel like everything I write should make sense and be accessible/understandable to anyone, but I am trying to break away from that.

Another point I found interesting in this chapter was the “finishing” of a poem. In the few poems that I have written over these past two weeks I have found myself wondering, “Is this poem finished?” I definitely love the idea of continuing to work on the same poem for lengthy periods of time—it provides for a lot more potential for the work.

Free Write 1/27/11

Evenings are cut short when the animals have homework,
"Let's party," from Fox as Monkey swings from the ceiling,
Instead I soar home with a frown on my face,
"Why would do they do this to students?"

The Lizard at the bookstore lied to me,
I think I'll take atronomy so I won't have to lick the sediment of a rock,
Or give away my hoard of shiny objects for one textbook,
I'd rather eat while the prarie dog sings,

"Take notes and read!"
Lectures Professor Bullfrog,
His monotony a crude lullaby,
Tired of the nonsense! Where is my brain?
Oh...I guess college took it away.

Free Write 1/27/11

Forgetting

Sprinkles stem into violent gusts,
A digression rockets into the atmosphere
where vapors twirl and dress up like dreams,

Scenes in suitcases,
pockets full of sad times to retaste on bright days,

Below the crust hot tears cry,
longing for a mirror of yesterday,
Steaming lava swims between locks that conceal tides of sentiments,

Red shoes hide in the corners of dreams,
Cowering shadows of the past,

Tight grip upon the small bird
while urging it to fly away,
An eraser never completely clears it's page,

A hope,
perhaps relief will be accompanied by tender growth,
when the erosion of the mind will produce gleaming crystals,
clear of haunting,
clear of memories.

Junkyard Quotes 1/28/11

"When you kick a wall that hard, you expect it to move."

"What is so wrong with being sad sometimes?"

"I"m half sick of shadows" -The Lady of Shallott

"It started at curiosity."

"I'm not crying...that's just ice in my eye."

Classmate Response 1/21/11

The Savior

Today I meet the one that will make me whole.
His copper hair shines in the sun from across the yard where he plays.
He walks to me with innocent eyes not caring that I am broken.
My heart swells for the first time since I lost the one I loved.

He does not care that I still love another.
He dose not care that I can not love him yet.
He wants to put me back together.
He wants to show me it is okay to love once again.

He is the only one that will understand.
He is the piece I have been missing.
He is the only one that can save me from myself.

He will never choose another.
He will be mine till the end of time.
My copper solider; Who's love will bring me out of darkness
And lead me back into the light where I belong.

My heart still beats slowly,
Its wounds still not fully healed,
But the day has finally come.



This poem is truly beautiful. It is definitely a work of art that is full of emotion without being too dramatic. I love the line "My copper soldier whose love will bring me out of darkness," I think this refers to his hair color, which is also described as copper (and should possibly be changed to add some interest so that the same distinct adjective isn't being used twice). However, I feel that there is a little disconnect...first I thought the person described was a child since he was "playing" with “innocent eyes” but then he is described as a soldier and I get a little of a romantic vibe. I don’t know how this person is the only one that will understand—what part does he play in the author’s loss? How will he put the author “back together?” I suppose my ultimate question is...who is the person? It's intriguing to me; I like the elusiveness of the poem. I like that I have this question, it make the poem interesting. However, if maybe a few of the questions were a little more obviously answered, the reader would be better able to relate.

Free Write 1/20/11

Beauty is deceptive,
It is the first of assumptions, always the first,
It captures the mind, bruises thoughts, partakes in affairs and determines the outcome,
Like a lovely day, perfect through glass but accompanied by cold winter's breath,
Beauty is deceptive,

Beauty is deceptive,
Like a red fruit plucked from the vine,
Savory, sweet, fresh,
Its flavor--poison,
Eternal death to the eater, why is it so?
Beauty is deceptive,

Beauty is deceptive,
A perfect face, smooth voice, haunting words,
"I love you",
Nothing is authentic, nothing is true,
Beauty is deceptive.

This is my first taste of poetry...feedback would be so very much appreciated!

Free Write 1/17/11

The wind blows like a gentle song. Melodious, heart breaking, raw. The world moves to it, dances along to its rhythm. The lilies of the valley clothe the earth in their splendor, while moving to the gentle beat it creates. The wheat grains dance in unison, side to side adding a soft brush sound. The hills roll on forever and ever, the stage for the musical act. On the crest of a hill are roads, houses, people. Clouds form above and send pattering droplets from heaven on the dusty roads. And the people walk along. Do they see? Do they know? The music surrounds them. It makes the women’s dresses sway. It takes away the men’s hats and sends them soaring into a puddle of the water from the sky. A creek sits alongside the village, gurgling and lapping the sides of the earth as the rain fills it past its brim. Lightening breaks the sky, thunder sings its long baritone note. The rain applauds. Everyone is inside now, watching from windows, taking no part in the experience. Do they know the rain is a miracle? The storm is a concert, given by God. Don’t they know they are supposed to dance?

Junk Yard Quotes 1/20/11

"Empty love is just another one of those four letter words."

"Can one love two? Or is there really only one person in the world for each of us."

"If you know your source, you can discover your potential."

"Your world is only as big as the trails you are willling to run."

"I want to remember the sad times too."