I wasn't sure who I was meeting, a stranger in black, the mystique, the curiosity beat thoroughly, circulating blood throughout my body. A surge of anticipation shot through my sweaty palms. I'd seen many men before, dressed in nice coats with fat wallets, but never before a religious man; furthermore, one interested in me. My heels hurriedly clanked, as I paced on the concrete slabs, awaiting my mysterious guest. I took a puff and exhaled, allowing the smoke to encompass me, like a cloud of serenity.
The stranger approached slowly as if allowing a surrender to be known. His face was different than I had imagined, softer, more soothing, while his eyes remain lifeless, deserted years before. I wondered what had tainted him and what kept him alive, minimally at best, to bring him to this street. My heart began to ring rather than pound, similar to a siren, echoing deeply in my thoughts.
I really enjoyed reading this. In class I also tried writing something from Stella's perspective and quickly abandoned it because it became SO dramatic; therefore, I appreciate the way that Emily wrote this after attempting (and failing) to do it on my own.
What I like: The first section is great; the anxiousness is conveyed extremely well. I suggest maybe adding a few nervous gestures for Stella to make to even further solidify her nervousness. This way, you can "say it without saying it" in a sense...use actions to depict what is being said. My favorite part is that Stella noticed his eyes and wonders what keeps him alive. This literally could be part of the story, because Leo also is entranced by Stella's eyes. So...I love this.
Suggestions: There are some awkward comma-providing run-on sentence that should be edited. Particularly, the second and third sentence of the second section (I have labeled it in bold font.) Other than that, I think this is great!
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